Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Feelings of Rejection-- A Valuable Lesson

Last night I learned a very valuable lesson. Nathan came home from work and began to get ready for the next work day, as he always does. We had planned to watch Survivor, but the garbage disposal wasn't working properly and it took about 20 minutes for him to check that, so we didn't have time to watch the show. Nathan usually has about an hour and fifteen minutes at home before he needs to go to bed. He divides up this time between getting ready for the next day and spending time with Elon and myself, and sometimes Asher if he's awake.

Well, yesterday was a particularly stressful day for Nathan, and after he found out about the disposal, he was irritated and just wanted to let his mind veg on a videogame. {He did spend some time with Elon.} As he's sitting playing the game, all I could think about was "what about me?" So I asked Nathan, "If you have thirty minutes, and you choose to use them to play a game, how does that make me feel loved?" He chose the game. So I went outside to spend time with God and talk to Him about my hurt. And do you know what God showed me? Nothing to do with Nathan and myself, but something very significant about my relationship with God.

How many times have I done the exact same thing to God and never apologized, asked forgiveness, repented??? Too many to count. Feelings of rejection are nothing new to Him, His own Son was despised and rejected by the very ones that He loved and came to save. And now, I continue to do the same thing, daily choosing to make time for the things that I enjoy, when God is wanting me to just spend time with Him. As I sat pondering ways that I can reject Nathan as payback, I realized the irony. My Great and Mighty Father allows me to come back to Him, time and time again, after one of my self-engrossed periods. He doesn't snub His nose at me, rejecting me in return for rejecting Him. Instead He opens His arms wide and listens as I pour out my heart to Him. God help me to have this same attitude with my husband, whom I know loves me, occassionally despite his actions.
What a revelation. As I began to apologize to God, I asked Him to really write this lesson on my heart so that I never forget what it means to forsake spending time with Him.

*Thanks to Allposters for the Monet


Bonnie said...

Ouch. That definitely hits a nerve. I hear ya though, loud and clear....

valerieramsey said...

Himilce, this post is so very beautiful and relevant. I find myself in this situation all to often. Thank you for sharing your lesson, as it has served as a gentle reminder to me and softened my heart today. I love you! Val

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