Thursday, July 17, 2008

Eternity In Our Eyes

I've always had a great fear of death. I had a dream that I was dying and darkness enveloped me. There was nothing, no heaven, nothing but emptyness and lonliness and black. It scared me. Of course, as a mother, I fear for Elon all the time. And for Nathan and my family, and so on. When I hear of someone dying or getting very sick, the grief strangles me. I feel overwhelmed and extremely afraid. Unfortunately, fears are something that my whole family has had severe issues with, so it's easy for me to allow them to rule my life. Lately, I've been praying that God would put eternity in my heart. I realize that when I focus on eternity, all the cares of life and even death, lose some of their potency. This article helped remind me to continue to pray that God will keep my mind on Him.

Excerpts from No Greater Joy Volume 2 Seeing Through A Glass Darkly:

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

Death is not the worst enemy. When I was a young mother, this truth was simply beyond comprehension. To lose a child was my worst fear. My natural instinct to protect my children, regardless of the cost, was in full operation. Yet how frail my efforts would have been if death had come calling.

When you are young and raising a family, death seems to be the ultimate loss. The grief is a pain you can only know first hand. When we are young, we see through a glass darkly. As we grow older, life is not as big as we thought it was when it was all before us. Life in this flesh is quite temporary. I am not so old yet. Life is still precious. Death is still the enemy. I continue to cling to life, not only my own, but to that of those I love. Yet, my clinging has changed. Somewhere over the passing years I realized death was not the worst enemy. Grief over death stopped being the worst grief. I can now see just a tiny bit clearer through the dark glass...

I remember when I carried my first child in my womb; I had waited for 3 years, and when I finally got pregnant I was the happiest person I had ever known. One day, as I practiced childbirth relaxation, God spoke to me. I believe He told me to give the child I was carrying to Him. I began to cry and beg God not to take the baby, all afternoon I wrestled with my own feelings and what I believed God wanted of me. Finally, in great grief I surrendered the child to God. As the days passed, I was totally thrilled and amazed that nothing happened. When the baby was born strong and healthy, I knew God had something bigger than what I had feared. Still, I saw through a glass darkly. Life and death were the only two “biggies” in my life.

Oh, mother, if we as young mothers could just get a vision of something greater than instinct for our children, and begin to feel just as urgently for their souls, how different it would make us. Things that appear as tragedies are not so tragic. If as young mothers we could have eternity in our eyes....
When you are a young mother raising a family, it is so easy to care about your own feelings, your own hurts, your little fuss with your husband. Oh, but Mother, there is coming a day when your own feelings, hurts, and fusses will seem so immaterial, so silly...

We go through life so protective of our children’s bodies. Let us as mothers early look to the protection of their souls. The enemy is not death. The enemy is not outside, lurking to get in; the enemy is a mother’s heart dedicated to a mother’s feelings. It is our own selfishness, our own anger, our own bitterness, and our own disappointments. The enemy is Mother, doing what is right in her own eyes instead of obeying God.

God, grant us the wisdom to get beyond instinct to the wisdom of true love. God, grant us hearts to see, to feel, and to live with eternity in our eyes.


Jaedan's Mom said...

What a great reminder! It's true that I fear death heavily and want to keep my family safe. I hope I can take this message of hope and replace my obsession of keeping my kids safe and obsess instead over their salvation.

Thanks for sharing this!!

Davene said...

This is a very wise perspective; I'm glad you shared this.

I've gleaned a lot of wisdom from the Pearls so I was happy to see that you know of them and have read some of their stuff.

I'm still mulling over some thoughts about what you've shared about Elon, and one of my thoughts was, "I wonder if she's read any of the Pearl books on child-raising?" ;)